Well..., been a while. Wonderful things happening. As usual our lives are up and down and up and down. God has brought some amazing revelation to my heart. I'm so thankful! I've been going through growing pains. That's a better way to put it because it's the truth. I'm so thankful that God never gives up on us and always is working His perfect will our for us.

It's amazing because when we're struggling and I look up towards heaven I sometimes think... "I've got to be doing something wrong, it shouldn't be this hard. Maybe there is an area of sin in my life that I'm not recognizing". Most people pat me on the back and say, "no you are doing it all right, there's just no explanation sometimes." I am frustrated with that answer at times because I want to really, truly know God. If there is sin in my life and I'm wreaking havoc upon myself by not following His perfect plan..., then I want to know it.

I love how God allows us to run around like a dumb sheep in the same circle until we have dug ourselves a rut, but yet He's completely willing to pull us out. He's willing to pull us out of something we've done to ourselves. He's willing to heal and fix things we have broken.

He died for us while we were still yet sinners. Wow! While we were at emnity with Him, He still died for us. I could never do that. I could never lay my life down for someone that just "might" love me back. It's too risky. He died in hope. Hope out of love. He hoped that we would see His love for us and come home. That is how I need to be functioning. Living in hope. It doesn't matter who is in the wrong. Peace and joy come from obeying the Lord. You can't obey one thing and blow off another thing. You can't fight Him and expect to have peace. It really is Him we're fighting, but we're destroying ourselves when we do it. Peace comes from yielding to the Spirit. It's very painful to die to yourself, but amazing when you do.

My point is, is that I have found that area of rebellion in my life, that I have always wondered was there. I just didn't know what it was. I don't think it's what made my boys sick, or my husband. I do think that it is what makes me sick and what makes me a mess. You can't live in rebellion and have peace. It makes no sense. I can't move forward until I understand some of the basics. Basics like in Ephesians about our marital roles. How can I expect to be blessed in every area of my life when I don't obey God in my marriage?

There is so much power in God's word. So many gifts and mysteries left unnoticed. I love the raw truth, not candy-coated to fit a "positive message". The life changing stuff is often difficult to swallow.

Today was extremely busy though. I couldn't breath. I got 8 phone calls on my cell phone and I was only gone 2 hours. I had 3 appointments all on opposite ends of town, financial pressures to be handled right away, that had to just be put on hold because there weren't any resources, both boys were having very hard days, Matty is switching seizure meds and has been very sick from it, and Luke is struggling a lot with his allergies which bring out his difficult behaviors. Then there was laundry, picking up, etc. Not to mention I was really sick too today, but had to do it all anyway. I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry. Needless to say I didn't feel like cooking. LOL! But..., when I got to hear my littlest one laughing hysterically because we were playing so hard and see him move and kick so well, then I got to spend a good 1/2 hour in my 8 year old's arms with him staring at me and loving me and smiling big...., it was ALL worth it. Then I got to be with my sweet hubby. I love my family. Things have been going nicely with my step-daughter, Ariel, too lately. I love her lots. God is awesome and provides.