Today, I have one of those feelings like "I don't know what's in store for today". I'm kind of peeking around the corner in anticipation and caution at the same time. I'm so thankful for my husband today. I'm thankful that he is here and is such an amazing father. He loves his kids so much. He may get angry, or discipline, but they never know it for long because his love for them is right around the corner and he forgives quickly. He's had horrible health problems since mid March of this year. He got a blood clot in his lung on March 12, then was sent home. Shortly after he was diagnosed with Reactive Arthritis and was put on another couple of medications. Ever since then he has had horrific migraines constantly with no breaks. I guess you could say he's had a headache for 3 months. Yesterday he had an MRI and it was normal. I know he was discouraged because there are still no answers. They've tried 3 different pain meds, and nothing. We've grown used to the news "we don't know why this happened".

However, I truly believe with all my heart there is a reason. I know that God and Jason are working something out, or working through something I should say. We all have to be pruned and I know I have had my fair share in the last few years.

I just want to share God's perfect grace and mercy though. It was about 5 or 6 months ago I was going through a major faith crisis and problems with my body and struggling with a lot of other things. Jason has always had so much faith with not a lot of doubting. He knows God's word and seems to always have a reference for me to go to, and has always been willing to pray with me when I ask. I remember thinking "if Jason ever had a crisis in his faith, his health, or anything where he couldn't be the encourager and rock of our family, we would be so screwed". I knew that because I've always been a coward, fearful, strong-willed, not always willing to yield to God's Spirit and trust or obey.

Complete Miracle. God has blessed me with so much persistence and faith in Him. He has been glorified and risen me to the occasion. The trial and fire I was going through was perfectly preparing me for this. I somehow know that it will all be okay. I don't know what that will look like, but I know it's true. When Jason is really sick I pray with him, for him and over him. God has not allowed me to get discouraged even though I've asked for healing many, many times. Also, He's given me the physical strength to take care of the boys on my own. Not to mention, His presence has been strong in me. His word has spoke to me more than it ever has in my life. He truly gives me my daily bread, and just what I need for each moment. I'm forever thankful to Him. He has also given us provision through family and the body. People have given in many different ways. Brought meals, bought us food, help at church, family buying clothes for the boys, call to check on us and pray with me, listen to me cry, come watched the boys and given us respite. I'm so thankful.

Help me Lord to be still and listen to your voice today. Please let my reply be yes and Amen and to not waste anymore of my life asking the "whys", but to just trust in your loving kindness.

Amber